WRJ Voices: Vayishlach

Two weeks ago in parshah Toldot, we read the story of Jacob and Esau, the sons of Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac favored his son Esau the hunter who provided him with delicious meats, and Isaac planned on giving his birthright to Esau when he died. Twice in Toldot we see Jacob trick his brother out of his birthright, and at the end of the parshah, Jacob literally steals the blessing from his brother by tricking their father Isaac. Jacob does not do this all on his own; his mother Rebekah helps him trick his father because she favors Jacob and wants him to be the leader of the Israelite people. In the end, Esau becomes so angry with Jacob, he threatens to kill him, so Isaac and Rebekah send Jacob to live with his Uncle Laban. 

Fast forward twenty years to this week’s parshah, Vayishlach: God commands Jacob to return to the land of his ancestors in Canaan. In order to follow God's commandment, Jacob was forced to pass through Edom, the land which his brother Esau ruled over.  As he is preparing to make his journey to Canaan, Jacob is so afraid of what Esau might do to him, he sends several messengers ahead of him to greet Esau with gifts of cattle and sheep and servants in hopes that Esau will show him favor. When Jacob finally reaches Edom and sees his brother Esau with his army of four hundred men, he goes toward his brother and bows down to him seven times. Esau runs to greet his brother Jacob, embraces and kisses him, and they both break out in tears. 

Esau is so happy to see his brother Jacob after twenty years of separation that he makes no mention of Jacob’s past wrongdoings and instead chooses to forgive him. Esau puts his family before his grudges. He recognizes that it does not matter how different he and his brother are, they are brothers, and that relationship is greater than any feud. 

Each year during the holidays, we prepare to spend time with our family and friends, spending several hours cooking extravagant meals and cleaning our homes for guests. After all of the hard work is completed, we sit down together to enjoy the fruits of our labor and enjoy the time we have to spend together. However, for many families, the discussion over the meal can be the most complicated part of the holiday. 

It is rare for everyone around the table to agree on controversial topics. To avoid disagreements, many families choose to deem these topics as “off-limits” for holiday meals, in fear that the wrong discussion could disrupt the family system. Is that really an appropriate response? Is it productive for us to ignore the issues and just share platitudes and stories of our day to day lives? How can we expect our government officials to talk with each other and find a compromise if we can’t even do it around our family dinner tables… 

We each hold our own convictions in such high regard that sometimes we forget how to be civil and listen to differing opinions.  So, what if, instead of making these difficult topics “off-limits,” we made a point to discuss them civilly? What if we could discuss the things that we are most passionate about with the people we care the most about? 

This holiday season, may we celebrate with open minds, and like Esau, with open hearts, embracing our family and friends regardless of our differences.

Madeline (Maddy) Anderson is a third-year rabbinical student at HUC-JIR in Cincinnati, and a past YES Fund grantee as an HUC scholar. She is also a member of the Indianapolis Hebrew Congregation (IHC) and the IHC Sisterhood!