WRJ Voices: Vayishlach

This parashat contains the sole Genesis Bible story I never learned in Religious School. In fact, I never learned that Jacob had a daughter, only four wives who gave birth to those important twelve sons who became namesakes for the twelve tribes. So, my friends, read on with care and let’s learn about Jacob’s only daughter.

Dinah, whose voice we never hear (sound like many women today??), experiences rape and degradation at the hand of Schechem, son of the local chief Hamor. Ironically, Dinah’s father Jacob immediately does nothing! (Of course, we never hear her mother Leah say a word.) Hamor tries to calm the inciting situation by insisting his son Schechem loves Dinah and wants to marry her, insinuating that more mixed marriages will follow, thus uniting two unique communities.

When her brothers later return from the fields and learn what had happened, they are enraged! Their sister is tarnished forever; their family name has been diminished. This intermarriage idea only sounds good in theory to Dinah’s brothers.

But aha….the plot thickens as the brothers insist that intermarriage can only occur if all the Hivite men of Hamor’s community are circumcised. Hamor and Schechem somehow convince their fellow Hivites and the local men agree to the adult circumcision. By the third day, all are laid low with agonizing pain. Now the Jews have the upper hand. Led by Simeon and Levi, all Jacob’s sons viciously attack the Hivites, killing all the men, looting the countryside and conquering what remained of that community. Rather gruesome, don’t you think?

You might be asking how any of this relates to life in 2017? Like many of you, I have felt glued to the news for months – CNN, NBC, BBC, and for me, even a tiny bit of FOX. I have listened over and over again to the same reports, hoping for a glimmer of something new, something better, some improvement. Please God, I pray over and over again, let the world turn ‘right-side up’ again. And…bam…new news breaks that makes me feel even more desperate.

It resounds with Dinah-like tales over and over again. There seems to be no change, no learning, no voices, and no improvement in our humanity. Don’t we humans have the capacity to change, to learn and grow?

The Harvey Weinsteins and Kevin Spaceys and Roy Moores and on and on get the headlines. Only then does anyone hear the woman’s voice. And then suddenly, someone listens. It starts with innuendo and harassment, inappropriate conduct, then groping and touching, then exposure, then masturbating, then sex without consent and then rape and on and on. And finally ‘‘me too” grew and grew and grew. Like any worthwhile movement, it all began with one person, one woman, who was strong enough to say ENOUGH.

Please, when will someone tell me when enough is enough. Successful actresses, politicians, lawyers, accountants, doctors, and teachers, nurses, and moms and cleaning ladies and babysitters – every woman plays a vital, respectable role in the life of her family, in her work life, and in her community life. How dare any man think he can treat her as less than a human being created betselem elohim- in God’s image.

According to Torah, laws defining rape usually indicate that the crime must involve sexual intercourse by force and against the will of the woman. (Harvey Fields A Torah Commentary For Our Times. Volume One: Genesis. Page 87-88.) That seems clear. The issue becomes the reporting and the issue of consensus. You and I, my reader friend, completely understand consensus. Why does a woman have to explain if she said yes or no? No is simply NO.

What is more concerning is reporting harassment or intimidation. What if you are a 16-year-old waitress and a young, good looking man at your table is flirting and tries to hold your hand, what should you do? You sure could use that tip. You are saving for college or feeding that baby at home because you are a single young mom. Do you report that unwanted advance? Did you solicit his advance because you smiled and said hello? Were you too friendly? And what do you do if he waits around for you? You’re only 16 and he looks to be 25. Who will help you? Who will believe you? How do you, at 16, possibly know how to handle that situation? Who can you turn to for advice?

What can our women’s groups do? We can help. We can offer conversations with high school and perhaps even junior high school girls about how to handle male advances. What is fair? What should they avoid? How to say no? When to walk away? When to call for help? When to run? How not to drink a drink you have not seen made. These are basic information areas young women need to know today. Bring in experts. Talk about the dating scene. Furthermore, talk about what a boss can say or touch, and what is not appropriate.

More than anything, help young women gain self-confidence. Help them feel empowered to protect themselves, to speak out when they are afraid, intimidated or just agog at a situation. Help them to know that it is perfectly fine to say NO. And make sure they know whom to call when they need help. Tell them the Dinah story so they never have to regret having no voice. Torah always has relevance. We just have to share all its stories and allow them to penetrate our hearts and minds to make an impact.

Rosanne M. Selfon served as WRJ President 2005-2009 and as WRJ Centennial Chair. She also chaired The Torah A Women’s Torah Commentary, a prize winning publication by WRJ. She has served on the URJ Board of Trustees for 23 years and most recently is chair of the Camp Harlam 60^th Anniversary celebration. In Lancaster, PA, she is the sole Lifelong Member of the synagogue’s Board of Trustees and this year she is Co-Team Leader for Women of Shaarai Shomayim. She adores her family, including husband David, daughter Lysa, and Mike and Madaline and Lev and Linc and daughter Amanda and Ben and Mila.