WRJ Voices: Chayei Sarah

Chayei Sarah begins with the note that Sarah’s lifetime came to 127 years. Although the rest of the parshah focuses solely on post-death events, the parshah is titled “The Life of Sarah” and not “The Death of Sarah.” While this imbalance puzzled me at first, I now understand that despite the focus on post-death, the parshah, in fact, is about how Sarah lived.

If we have 127 years, what kind of impact can we make? In all of those years, will how we spend those days, hours and minutes matter and be enough to matter as much as Sarah’s life mattered? I have the privilege, as an estate and trust attorney, to guide clients as they consider their values, priorities, and accomplishments. Although often difficult to articulate, our discussions are about planning for post-death and how we want to be remembered.

Just as much as Chayei Sarah describes Abraham’s efforts to locate and secure Sarah’s permanent resting place, my clients are trying to provide a permanent legacy to share with their loved ones. But the truth is, no physical resting place can be worthy of one as beloved as Sarah was by Abraham. Instead, the physical location is a gathering place, a place to mourn, a place to remember the person who meant so much to us. It’s not the physical resting place that’s important or worthy, but the spiritual, the memories that linger and float in and out of the consciousness of loved ones and community.

So, Abraham’s extensive efforts to secure Sarah’s resting place are not just describing the selection of a burial site. Rather, the labors reflect how much Sarah meant to Abraham and remind us that who we are during our lives, how we spend our days and the choices we make with our time are most important. This is how we’ll be remembered and symbolically, just as the cave where Sarah was buried became the resting place for future generations, the memories, stories, and thoughts others have of us after our death carry us into the future, generation after generation.

And for me? As I prepared to write this, my thoughts returned again and again to my accomplishments, what I do and don’t do every day, and how my actions and choices reflect on me; How I want to be remembered for doing what I could to make the world a better place. But the reality of this moment, as I finally put pen to paper, is far from accomplishments, goals and “doing.” As I write, I am sitting at a picnic bench on the beach, next to my son. The Coral Sea, green, brown, and blue shimmers in front of us. Palms keep us sheltered from the bright sun and a light breeze keeps us cool. In between writing and reading, we chat and keep our eyes out for elusive turtles we hope will pop up from the Sea. This is exactly how I want to spend these minutes. Focused on planning for the end provides an awareness of the preciousness of this moment. This is the moment I want to remember. It is enough.

Deborah Radin is a member of the Executive Committee of the North American Board of Women of Reform Judaism, where she serves as chair of the Individual Membership committee. She was a participant in the inaugural WRJ Wilkenfeld International Women’s Leadership Seminar, as one of 20 rising global leaders, and is the chair of the Pacific District Speaker’s Bureau. Deborah graduated from Brandeis University with a B.A. in American Studies and received her J.D. from Golden Gate University, San Francisco. She is the managing partner of Kramer Radin, LLP, a firm she co-owns with her mother, Linda C. Kramer. She is a member of the California bar and the Supreme Court of the United States and is certified by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization as a specialist in Estate Planning, Trust and Probate Law, where she served as 2017-2018 chair of the Estate Planning, Trust and Probate Law Advisory Commission.