Voices of WRJ: Mikeitz

by Michelle Scheinkopf My mother-in-law Emily turned 90 years old this past October. Five days after her birthday she had her right hip replaced.   Prior to this, my husband, brothers- and sister-in law, and I discussed with her what her wishes would be in the event that complications arose and rendered her unable to make decisions for herself. Needless to say, this was a very important and emotional conversation. My mother-in-law requested that I be her patient advocate and power of attorney while in the hospital and the nursing care facility where she would go for rehabilitation. Knowing her feelings and values regarding complications and life-prolonging measures helped me immensely in my new family role. In this week’s Torah portion, Mikeitz, Judah talks to his father Jacob about taking Benjamin, the youngest of Jacob's 12 sons, on a risky trip back to Egypt to purchase much needed food from the vizier (Joseph, though they don't know it yet) for the family during a time of famine. Judah says: “You may hold me responsible: if I do not bring him back to you and set him before you, I shall stand guilty before you forever” (Genesis 43:9). Judah's promise to his father that he will be responsible for what happens to his family and will do whatever is necessary to keep them safe echoes true for many of us. Like Judah, responsibility and representation were first and foremost on my mind during my mother-in-law’s recovery from her hip replacement surgery. Judah’s coming forward to be dependable for his family sends a powerful message. Given restraints however, like having to work to earn a living and still take care of elderly parents with health and medical needs, can create family stress and havoc. On the day of the surgery, we checked my mother-in-law in, signed all sorts of forms, and answered lots and lots of questions from her surgical team. With the anesthesiologist starting the intravenous drip, it was time for me to leave her room and join my family in the waiting area. I kissed Emily on the forehead and, hiding my anxious tears, walked out of her pre-surgical suite feeling hopeful and powerless all at the same time. I am thrilled to tell you that Emily’s surgery was a success and amazingly she was walking around the hospital’s orthopedic unit four hours after surgery. I would not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes! With this first hurdle over, I would go on to spend the next four days at the hospital acting on her behalf. After her hospital stay, my mother-in-law went on to the rehabilitation facility for 10 days. She was released from there to her two-story Georgian where she lives with my 96-year old father-in-law, Ben. At their home, nurses and physical therapists provided in-home outpatient care for the next two weeks. Presently, I am driving 25 minutes to their house several times a week to take Emily to her doctor and physical therapy appointments, shop at the grocery store, and to do other errands that need to be taken care of for my in-laws’ comfort and well-being. Though there were times my family and I felt frustration, worry, and physical and emotional fatigue during her hospitalization and subsequent rehab stay, we were spared the added anxiety of missing time from work because I am a retired high school teacher. If I were not retired, this scenario for my family and me would have been much different. Even with Emily’s amazing recovery, serving as my mother-in-law’s advocate and representative for a relatively short time has opened my eyes to the challenges and responsibilities caregivers face when taking care of an elderly parent. Caregiving can cause significant financial, physical, and emotional strain. According to the National Partnership for Women and Families and the National Alliance for Caregiving, “nearly seven in 10 caregivers report having to make work accommodations while they are providing care to a loved one. Of caregivers who take time off to fulfill their responsibilities, 48% report losing income." All this has great impact on the health and well being of the caregiver and consequently the attention and focus they can give to their loved one. Women of Reform Judaism’s commitment to social action and justice is in the forefront of who we are as an organization. I am proud to say that last month at the WRJ Assembly 2015 in Orlando, FL, the assembled delegates enthusiastically passed the proposed WRJ resolution on Paid Family and Medical Leave. WRJ calls upon its sisterhoods to do the following:

1. Support the concept of paid family and medical leave policies, while assessing the feasibility and impact of specific proposals at all levels of government;
2. Help build coalitions and advocate for the passage of paid family and medical leave laws; and
3. Urge their congregations and all arms of the Reform Movement to provide paid family and medical leave to their employees and set an example for their communities.

Remembering that Judah told Jacob he would be responsible for Benjamin, so to may we be responsible to ourselves and our loved ones by heeding the call set by WRJ to have our sisterhood members create awareness throughout our communities and congregations of this resolution. Michelle Scheinkopf is a WRJ Board member and proudly chairs the WRJ College Outreach Committee.  She is also WRJ Midwest District co-vice president of area directors and is a Women of North Shore Congregation Israel past co-president in Glencoe, IL.